Can’t believe I’m already a month into training for my 5th half marathon. So crazy. Last week I mentioned that I started a new strength training program and after only doing it for a week I can definitely tell it’s going to be a game changer. I feel like it’s already helped my running form and stamina, and it’s definitely helping my sleep because I am so exhausted after every workout. I’m not mad about it.
As of yesterday my 26th birthday is 2 months away and I’d like to lose 10-12 lbs before then. My eating habits have been getting significantly better over the last few weeks so I feel like everything is finally coming together. With my past though, the desire to lose weight can be a slippery slope….
I shared some of my story on Instagram (cpier10 if you want to follow) but last week was Eating Disorder Awareness Week, I felt like it was important to talk about this because ED’s are very common in athletes. While I have never been diagnosed with one, I have had anorexic/orthorexic tendencies from my teens through 22-23. I’ve never fully disclosed everything I put myself through during that time to anyone but my nutritionist and the guys I dated during that time. I think I’ll still keep some things to myself but I’m hoping that by opening up some, it helps others to feel like they’re not alone.
I’ve always struggled with my weight, I gained a lot of weight the summer before 4th grade because I wasn’t very active and I was constantly overeating. My body image issues started shortly after that. It wasn’t until I was in my sophomore year of high school that I really started “dieting”, and by dieting I mean eating maybe 500-800 calories a day. I started to lose some weight and I had allowed it to get to the point where I felt better when I didn’t eat. Of course this isn’t sustainable so I’d go through a couple of months of that followed by a couple of months of binge eating. This peaked when I was 19, I had gotten a gym membership and I quickly became obsessed with Spin, the elliptical, and burning as many calories as possible. I would go to the gym, get on the elliptical for an hour, go to an hour-long spin class, then go back home to get on the treadmill because I NEEDED to lose weight. It consumed me. During that time I was dating a guy who went to Pitt and I would visit him on the weekends, every weekend I would get so drunk because I was never eating enough and exercising too much. I used the alcohol to briefly forget that I didn’t like myself and to finally let loose. I was a hot mess.
I did this for a year until I decided to do my first half marathon for my 21st birthday, I ended up gaining back all of the weight but I did cut out alcohol for 5 months in order to take training more seriously. Once the race was over I started celebrating 21 and put on even more weight and drinking even more. I was so depressed that I would come home from work, close all the curtains and go right to sleep. By the time I was 22 I had put on so much weight I had reached a number on the scale I’d never seen before and was being told by my doctor that I had fatty liver. (Fatty liver can be caused by alcohol as well as gaining a lot of weight because the fat has to go somewhere) I immediately went back to my old habits of restricting calories, counting every single thing I ate, cutting out alcohol, and I started to see the number on the scale go down.
When I met my nutritionist a few months after the fatty liver diagnosis, I was still only eating 800-1000 calories a day. He made a meal plan for me and I started eating around 1300-1500 and the weight started to come off because for once I was finally eating the right amount of food. In all honesty, the fatty liver diagnosis was the wake up call I needed and looking back I’m glad that happened. I’ve been working with Andrew from Case Specific Nutrition for a little over 3 years now and we’ve been through a lot; several meal plans, a few whole 30s, setbacks, screw ups, but I’ve also learned a lot from him. My number one goal isn’t to be skinny anymore. It’s to live a balance life and to be strong, confident, comfortable, faster and HEALTHY.
Everyone has their own journey, and some don’t come out on top. I finally feel like I’ve got my head above water. I still struggle with these habits, but I see the goal and I’m getting there in a safe and healthy way. It’s a good feeling to have…
Till next time…